In 1994 I went to Spain with my high school Spanish class. It was an eye-opening experience for me and I'll never forget it. In addition to being the first time I'd been away from home and in Europe, it was also the first time I got lost. Way lost. I was with my pack of friends and we were planning on getting on the subway to head somewhere. Well, the subway pulls in, passengers get off, and we start filing toward the doors. A friend and I were at the back of the pack and, unbeknown to us, the doors were starting to close. She realized the danger and jumped forward just in time for the doors to close leaving me on the platform. I will never forget the shocked and scared faces of my classmates as the subway pulled away leaving me behind. I eventually caught up with them, but it left a mark on me and never again have I gone somewhere where I didn't know the lay of the land like the back of my hand. I research; it's what I do.
I had an experience today I had no way to prepare for. I like to go places, and see things and generally get out of the house as much as possible. Here's the catch: I like to be prepared for what's to come. I love to research-anything, everything! I even have a tendency to get on my co-worker's nerves because they'll say something that might be fun to do and two days later I show up with a print out/price list/photos of a "recon" and best routes to the activity and back.
They call me the researcher.
I like that. I like that my fun and adventure is enjoyed by all and I get a weird sense of accomplishment from doing all the research.
However, today I had something sneak up on me and I hated it.
I was called for jury duty and, as much as I loathed the idea, I showed up and sat through jury selection. The case involved a guy who was accused of kidnapping, assault and gun possession. Well, the questioning went pretty well/normal (did you know any of the people involved; have you ever known a family member to be assaulted) until the attorney said "will you as a juror be able to be impartial once you've heard the testimony of the witness to whom the assult and kidnapping occurred? We each had to
answer one, by one. It was at that point that I was caught off guard.
A few years back I was indirectly involved with the by product of a man on trial for a similar crime, only this one involved murder too. That case was a very emotional one for most of the community, much less those involved, even remotely.
It was that case from a few years ago that popped up in my head as the attorney began asking us if we could be impartial. I started thinking about the victim of that horrible case years ago and I could tell this was going to be hard for me. My ears were burning as the attorney asked me and I had to request to come to the bench (gulp.) With both attorneys flanking me and staring at the judge I had to recount how I was effected by the trial and how it made me unlikely to be impartial. I cried. It sucked. I left the courtroom shaking my head and thinking humanity sucks and why do people do such horrible things to each other.
See what I mean? Caught me off guard. I wasn't prepared for that and had no idea those emotions were swimming around inside of me. See, I was prepared to go home on a technicality: I'm a breastfeeding mom! I thought I would be an inconvenient juror, not an emotional one.
Oh well, guess it goes to show that no matter how much you can plan for things, there will always be those things that catch us off guard and that even with the passage of time, some wounds heal slower than others.
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